I decided the best way for me to deal with my step-wife (term explained later) is to get her out of my head, getting my thoughts about her and our "blended family" situation down on paper, in the hopes that they will stop driving me crazy. Though I've never blogged before, journaling always helped me to collect my thoughts and gain perspective in the past. I think this will have a similar effect, but I suppose I'll soon find out.
For anyone who may actually read this, besides myself. Here is a little back ground. I am married to a great guy who happens to have been previously married to and divorced from someone else. He also had a daughter with his ex. She is a smart, funny and adorable 7 year old and I'm glad I have her in my life since my husband and I don't intend to have any children of our own. For purposes of anonymity, my husband will henceforth be referred to as E., my step-wife as S. (when I'm not calling her other names) and my step-daughter as H. Also for context purposes, a step-wife is term I learned in a book I've been reading about how ex-wives and step-mothers can learn to live with each other, or at least not kill each other. I think the term is appropriate because it speaks to the infinity of her existence in my world. Its a good book, I've found some pretty useful advice in it so far. I'm trying to find a way to cope with this situation, for my own personal growth and peace. I thought about buying a copy for S. but I doubt she'd read it, if she'd even accept it from me. (I don't know about crediting rights and such in this sort of area, but I can list the title and authors at a later date if needed.)
E. and I have been married for six months, but we've been together for more than 6 years--it took us a while to get there. I met H. for the first time when she was 2 years old, but I didn't come face to face with S. until just before we were married last year. E. did a good job of keeping us apart, mostly so that he could maintain control over the situation. But now that we have met and this whole blended family thing has really gotten underway, the dynamics are more than I can handle at times.
She isn't over him, she calls him all the time, to talk about anything other than their child. She sends him text messages at ungodly hours, when she comes to pick H. up she can't leave without making a remark about him coming to her house so that they can talk in private. I don't even want E. going to her house unless there is an emergency (which she has been known to make up in the past), not that I don't trust him, but I certainly don't trust her. This woman is insane. And I think its a life goal for her to drag me along for the ride. But I've recently decided that is trip I don't intend to take. But sometimes its so hard.
Last night E. was gone to an evening meeting, I was at home getting H. ready for bed. The phone rings, the caller id doesn't even work, but I knew it was her before I picked up the phone. She always sounds so damn chipper, its beyond annoying. Her: "Hi, is E. there?, This is S." (as if I don't know who she is) Me: "No, he's not here right now." Her: "Oh well he wanted me to call him, can you tell him I called?" Me: "Yes, I'll tell him." This was even more annoying to me because I know she knew he was not there before she called. She had to say "he wanted me to call him" as some sort of affront to me. Instead of just saying "can you tell him I called" like a normal person. Never once did she ask if her daughter was there.
Then there are the ridiculous situations she puts her child in, I swear you should have to have license to have children. When I picked H. up from her paternal grandmother's house yesterday after school, I asked if she wanted something to eat, she said no. I asked if she ate at her grandmother's house she said no, I asked why she doesn't want anything to eat if she hasn't already had something, she said because her mother told her not to ask me for anything and to tell me no if I going to make food for her. She'd rather let her child go hungry than have her accept food from me! Insane I tell you. Of course I told E. about this when he arrived home, he said he'd take care of it. But I don't and won't know what that actually means because I'm no longer allowed to ask what they talk about on the phone. Its a self imposed rule, again, to protect my sanity, in the past she's said some terribly inappropriate things that he relayed to me and then had to restrain me from going to harm her.
As the title states, these are my ex-files, about my husbands ex-wife, who is now my step-wife and nearly sworn enemy. With the divorce rate in America, I know my story is not unique, but i needed to do this for me, if someone else can sympathize/empathize along the way, that is a bonus. If I can get these thoughts out of my head maybe I can make a u-turn on this road to insanity, there are much better places to visit.
